Wednesdays: Woeful or Wonderful?

Woeful and Wonderful...again...

Sometimes I really feel as if nothing that I do or say even matters.

If I try to give a compliment then it comes across the wrong way. If I try to be a good example then I fail. If I try to give a correction then it comes across as judgmental. If I try to be serious then I'm a party pooper. If I try to cut loose and have fun then I'm irresponsible. If I try to parent then my children rebel. If I try to do something nice then it goes unnoticed. If I try to fit in then I stick out. If I try to do "all the things" then I'm angry when I can't do enough. If I try to step back from doing "all the things" then I'm angry that I'm not doing enough. Get the picture yet? Complete and utter dissatisfaction.

Maybe I should just quit trying altogether.

If I try to quit trying does that then make me a quitter? Am I just giving up? Am I supposed to? Would that really satisfy me?

If I really take a step back and think about it all then the problem starts with me. It's not that I feel as if nothing that I do or say even matters...it's that nothing that I do or say even matters. You know why? Because it's not really about me at all, now is it?

My life and my words and my actions shouldn't be about me. They should all be about Him.

When I think about it like that...the right way...I realize where I've been going wrong. I'm trying to make it all about me. When did I get to this place? And how? Stupid pride.

I had a discussion today with my friend, Leslie. She was talking about how her mom is unlike any other person that she knows. About how her mom always brings the situation back to Christ. About how at times it can be frustrating because sometimes we just want to hear "you're right," or "it's ok that you feel that way." But how can you argue with someone who really is always right...in bringing it back to Christ. It automatically sets your mind and heart in the right direction. It instantly belittles your circumstance. It totally reminds you that it isn't about you at all. It's about Christ.

Whatever the situation is that you're in...you're in it for a reason. For Christ's reason.

There are times that I really just feel like giving up, throwing my hands up and saying I can't or maybe it's that I don't want to. There are times when I feel like I've done all that I can and it still doesn't matter. It still does no good. So why even bother? I'm feeling that way now, and I'm reminded of one thing...

Last night in our advent scripture we read Luke 7:36-50

One of the Pharisees asked him to eat with him, and he went into the Pharisee's house and reclined at the table. 37 vAnd behold, a woman of the city, who was a sinner, when she learned that he was reclining at table in the Pharisee's house, brought an alabaster flask of ointment,38 and standing behind him at his feet, weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears and wwiped them with the hair of her head and kissed his feet and anointed them with the ointment. 39 Now when the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If xthis man were ya prophet, he zwould have known who and what sort of woman this is who is touching him, for she is a sinner.” 40 And Jesus answering said to him,“Simon, I have something to say to you.” And he answered, “Say it, Teacher.”

41 “A certain moneylender had two debtors. One owed five hundredadenarii, and the other fifty. 42 bWhen they could not pay, he ccancelled the debt of both. Now which of them will love him more?” 43 Simon answered, “The one, I suppose, for whom he cancelled the larger debt.” And he said to him, “You have judged rightly.” 44 Then turning toward the woman he said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I entered your house;dyou gave me no water for my feet, but eshe has wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45 fYou gave me no kiss, but from the time I came in she has not ceased to gkiss my feet. 46 hYou did not anoint my head with oil, but she has anointed my feet with ointment. 47 Therefore I tell you, her sins, iwhich are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.” 48 And he said to her,j“Your sins are forgiven.” 49 Then those who were at table with him began to say among8 themselves, k“Who is this, who even forgives sins?” 50 And he said to the woman, l“Your faith has saved you; mgo in peace.”

After reading it I asked Ava if it were important if we forgive. She said "yes," but when I asked her why was it important that we forgive she just shrugged her shoulders. I told her "it's important that we forgive because Christ forgives. He forgives all of our sins every single day. When we don't share our toys. When we say unkind words. When we don't obey our parents. So we should forgive because Christ forgives. We want to try to be more like Jesus." After hearing this she looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, "but Jesus is so hard to be like." I let out a bit of a laugh and said, "yes, you're right He is, but the important thing is that we keep trying." 

So why even bother? There's my answer. Because we are to keep trying. That's the important thing. It's amazing that everything really does come back to the gospel. That we are messed up and completely helpless. That Jesus loves us and died for our sins. That He forgives. That all He asks is for us to believe and have faith in Him. That He only asks us to turn from our sins. That He only asks us to obey Him and keep His commandments. That He only asks us to keep trying to be more like Him. 

So there's my hope. There's my anchor. There's my happy. Even in the midst of all the terrible mess that I make or that's happening around me, I can will choose to keep trying to be more like Him. More forgiving. More humble. More patient. More kind. More faithful. More of everything good. 

"He must increase, but I must decrease." John 3:30 I've got to quit trying for me, and only try for Him. What if we all did that in all that we do? If I went to work to glorify Him not just to make money. If I parent to glorify Him not just to feel like I'm doing the right thing. If I do my housework to glorify Him not just to have a clean house to show. Talk about being satisfied. True satisfaction is found in Him. 

I remember a time when I was speaking with Leslie's mom about housework. About how frustrating it is because I never feel caught up on it. She said that she too struggles with that at times, but she has to remind herself that she ought not to be working for the :15 seconds that all of the laundry is caught up on in the house because that glory is fleeting, but that she ought to be doing her work for the glory of Christ and that glory is eternal. See how infuriating she can be??? ;) But darn if she isn't right. We've got to keep trying for the right reasons...not our reasons. No, this isn't a new lesson, just a good time for a reminder. Maybe someone out there needed it too. 

Wednesdays: Woeful or Wonderful?

Here I go again starting another series, but look at me...blogging two weeks in a row! I am going to be consistent if it kills me.

Since I've decided to make my regular blogging day on Wednesdays, I figure coming up with a catchy little title and series to go along with it is just fine. I thought it might force me to become a bit more reflective of how the week has been going thus far or how the week has gone since last Wednesday. I've decided that I'll name it "Wednesdays: Woeful or Wonderful?" because let's face it...they will neither be always be wonderful nor woeful. It leaves me with options.

This first post in the series I deem to be both Woeful and Wonderful at the same time.

Let's start with the Woeful. I always prefer to start with the not so good and then end with the good...you know end on a positive. This post is specifically directed to parenting. Ok so there's about a bajillion parenting resources out there...books, websites, blogs, facebook pages, magazines, you name it and it's out there. And oh yeah, people...even people who aren't parents are actually experts on the subject. (possible sarcasm) Anyway I've never been the type of parent to go out and search for hours on end for the "right" way to parent. Nor am I the type of parent to go out and ask for advice because, quite frankly, I don't really want it. I don't usually give out parenting advice unless it is asked of me directly. Not going to find me commenting on endless sites about a general parenting issue. Don't get me wrong, I've read the books that you are apparently required to read, What to Expect When You're Expecting, Shepherding A Child's Heart, Happiest Baby on The Block, Babywise, The Baby Whisperer, I could go on and on, but the list is foreeeeeeever long. I'll spare you. :) I've also found myself casually clicking on an article that someone will post about some parenting type issue. Usually nothing ground breaking though. I'm from the school of "find what works for you and your family and support others in what works for their family even if it's different than what works for your family, and while we're at it let's not bash each other about the ways we parent."You'd be surprised that most people aren't from this same school and it's very, very sad.

Anyway I'm not posting about parenting ways in this post...possibly never. What I want to share that was a bit of an eye opener for me this week was an article that was shared by a friend on facebook. This is a blog post from Hands Free Mama titled, The Important Thing About Yelling. If you've got a few minutes go on over and read it. The basic gist of it is responding to your children in understanding and love instead of in annoyance or frustration. I wouldn't consider myself a "yeller," I mean yes I have yelled at my children before, but my struggle at times is my heart's attitude toward my children's mistakes. So I attributed her example of a "yeller" to my heart's response toward my children. Sometimes I am just downright annoyed at them. I mean geez at the "problems" and "mistakes" they have, but then I have to remind myself that they are 4 and 1. So after reading the post I had a pretty big "Woeful" moment. I cried because I too have not always been the mom that I want my children to remember, have, grow up to be like. There have been many times when I've been annoyed because Ava is "interrupting" me when I'm trying to send a text, and all she is asking is for me to play with her. I think of those moments and I think what a terrible, awful, horrible failure of a mother I have been.

Which leads me to my "Wonderful" (thank goodness) I can't allow myself to just wallow in my poor mothering in the past...or that which is sure to come, but I can make a change. Today I decided that I wouldn't allow my children to annoy me. That I would not "yell" at them from my heart but instead respond in love. That I would try to change my heart's attitude toward their downfalls. Because after all, "behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward" psalm 127:3. They are truly a reward and should be treated as such. No that doesn't mean I'm going off the deep end and never disciplining them again and putting them on a pedestal, but trying even harder to discipline myself in love so that I can discipline them in love. We had a fun day today. We played kitchen and dumped out all of the food so that we could make a pretend birthday party meal. Instead of saying "no let's not dump everything out and make a mess." I played dollhouse with Ava and let her give all 12 of the 12 dancing princesses a tour of every room, even though her nap time alarm went off when she was on princess number 4. Instead of saying "really you want to play with all 12? how about just 2?"

I'm going to challenge myself to mother my children the way that I would want someone to mother them. Not the way that I feel like mothering them at the moment. We have a family rule that says, "Treat each other like you treat your friends" based loosely on the golden rule, matthew 7:12. Isn't it a shame that we so very often give the least amount of love towards our loved ones. At the end of the day we often have nothing left to give our spouses, children, parents, siblings...when they deserve the most of all. I'm going to adapt our family rule for one of my own personal mothering rules. "Mother your children the way you would want them to mother/be mothered" or "Mother your children the way you would mother another child that doesn't have a mother" something to that affect anyway. I think you get the point. It's not going to be an easy challenge and I'm positive I will fail many, many times, but the important thing is that I'm trying.