How Can I Help You?

Ever have those moments days when you can't do what you want because you have to do something else that you want?

I mean like when you're all, "Hey! I'm going to start eating healthy today!" And then you go pin 1,276 vegan recipes to try out, you make grocery lists, even put them on your meal plan, and then go eat chocolate chips, that are meant for baking, straight outta the bag. Want to eat healthy...want to eat chocolate chips.

Let's talk about that other little thing that we don't like to talk about all the time. It's the word that all women dread to hear...the word that the doctor gives them the "all clear" for about 6 weeks after they have a baby...the word that has the letters 'E,' 'X,' and 'S'... Exercise. What were you thinking? 

Somedays I wake up early, and get my workout in before the kids are up. Somedays I wait until nap time and then I workout. Somedays I don't workout at all and I eat ice cream for breakfast. Want to exercise...want to be lazy and also eat ice cream for breakfast.

What about the moments when you are working your tail off trying to get supper cooked to perfection, entertain the kids, clean up the mess in the kitchen you are making due to cooking the perfect supper, take the dog out, try to figure out for the millionth time why the baby is only taking a 45 minute nap, and also order christmas presents online because you're the only one that get those things done right now, but really you just want to go sit in the bathroom by yourself for the first time all day since you became a mother. Want to be super mom...want to go to the bathroom by yourself.

Let me try to further explain with this super serious meme...

See what I mean? :)

Oh Ariel, girl, I feel you. And just look at poor Prince Eric, he has no clue how to help. All he wants to do is fix it. Guys are such "fixers."

If you are anything like me, you certainly have these moments days, and when you do there's not really too much that will help or "fix" them. It's a lot all at once and it's stressful. You kind of just have to wait it out and let it pass. It eventually does and you wind up feeling like your normal self again, but geez, those wants can be conflicting at times and it's rough.

Sometimes I find myself getting frustrated during these moments. Sometimes I'm frustrated at myself or my kids or having to be the "responsible" one or even my husband. Recently I told my husband that when he sees that there is a lot going on, when he can tell that I'm stressing, when I'm having this "I want to do this, but I want to do that" moment I need him to help. I also told him that the best way for him to help me is to say, "How can I help you?" Because let's be honest...sometimes we think that we are helping, but in fact we are making the situation worse.

Here's a recent example we've had at the Hive, I went in to get Jackson up from a nap and he had a massive diaper explosion. It happens to all of us at some point, but it never seems any less disgusting. Since I was the lucky one to discover it, I got to be the one to clean the baby up. As I was changing his diaper, I called downstairs to tell Jason what had happened. I wanted to clean up the baby and also change out the sheets, but I knew I couldn't do both at the same time. Jason came up and started to take the bumper pads off the crib so that he could pick up the mattress and change the sheets. Before I could say anything, Jason goes to take off the little mirror that we have in Jackson's crib. He doesn't realize that it is tied on, however, and he rips it off. Torn. Broken. I got frustrated because he had done that and now I had another thing to do...sew new strings on the mirror so that it could go back in the crib after the sheets were changed. Jason felt bad, of course, and I did too. "I was just trying to help," is what he told me. And I understood it. His intentions really were good and I was thankful that he was willing to help out, but I really just wished he had asked how he could have helped. Because then I would have asked him to change the sheets, and reminded him about the mirror needing to be untied, because Jason has always been a bit of a bull in a china shop. Bless his heart. So then he felt bad and wanted to "fix" it because he had messed up the mirror. I told him it's not even about the mirror...it's about helping, and not just helping in a way that you think and choose, but asking before beginning and truly helping. Meeting another's needs. So that's when I told him, "If you really want to help, then ask me, 'how can I help you?' "

And you know what?

It helps so much! And it works both ways, ladies. I'm trying to be better about asking how I can help, and I challenge you to do the same. After all we were created to be our husband's helpmeet:

"Then the Lord God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him." -Genesis 2:18

I think that it would be good for us all to take a look at how we are helping one another. Want to eat healthy? Then help your family make healthy choices for food, and skip the drive thru lanes. Want to exercise more? Find a buddy or a coach to help you meet your goals. Want to go to the bathroom alone? Ask your husband to keep the kids with him for few minutes or 15 and don't forget to lock the door in case one of them escapes your husband.

We ought to be more intentional with our helping with others and we ought to start asking how we can truly help those that we love and care about. Aren't those the people that we ought to show the most help towards? Rather than give them our leftovers at the end of the day?

Of course the biggest way that we can help others is by praying for them, but how about we ask for specific ways in which we can pray for others? Let's all take up the challenge of asking, "How can I help you?" more often. You might find that you're the one that gets the most help out of doing so.

How can I help you?

<3

I am not enough and neither are you

My husband, Jason, and I watch the entire Harry Potter series every year beginning in the month of October. It is one of my most favorite movie series and we both really look forward to watching them together. The other night we watched the fifth movie, which is based off of "The Order of The Phoenix." There's one part that I've always liked because it is so relatable, as a woman. It could very well be a conversation that Jason and I could actually have...and maybe have had before. It's when Hermoine is speaking with Ron and Harry about how another student must be feeling after her boyfriend died, but then has begun "moving on,"

Hermione: "Don't you understand how she must be feeling? Well obviously she's feeling sad about Cedric, and therefore confused about liking Harry, guilty about kissing him, conflicted because Umbridge is pressing to sack her mum from the Ministry, and frightened about failing her OWLs because she's so busy worrying about everything else."

Ron: "One person couldn't feel all that! They'd explode!

Hermione: "Just because you've got the emotional range of a teaspoon...

I mean maybe it seems a bit juvenile to compare it with Harry Potter (except it is awesome and totally acceptable in our Hive), but that's kind of how I'm feeling these days. A lot of different emotions all at one time. I've got such a strong desire to be the best wife, mom, teacher, cook, etc around here that it often leaves me with a lot of conflicting emotions. You know why? Because I can't be 100% in all of those roles 100% of the time. It can be very disheartening to know that you can't do, give, be your best when really that's all that you desire to do. When I am being the best version of "mom" by giving my kids my undivided attention and playing tea party for the 106th time (after giving each other complete make overs) then I am neglecting my role of "teacher" because we haven't done school yet, and it's already 2pm. There are countless examples that I could give, and I'm sure you've got your own versions to add as well.

So I try to refocus and I come across these verses in the Bible that say:

I think these are to remind us that we are, in fact, not enough. On our own we are not enough and never will be, but with Him we are made enough. Every single day He shows us mercy and faithfulness. Without Him we can do nothing, but with Him we can do everything. We are weak, and so much of what we think matters is what we define by our doing. When really all that matters is what is defined by His doing.  He proves His goodness to us every morning by giving us a "do-over" so we should allow ourselves some grace too. He never gives up on us so we shouldn't give up on ourselves either. In all of my efforts I will fail if I do not have Him at the center of my thinking, doing, saying. So this tells me that I ought to accept, and boast, and be content (!) in my weaknesses and short comings...my ability to not be 100%. I cannot be that. I can never be enough, and neither can you, but He can. And He can be enough for us...through us. We need only let Him.

So be encouraged out there mommas who are trying to fill all those "roles" of yourselves, you can do it and be enough...with Christ. Be encouraged college student who is swamped with papers, and projects, and classes, you can make it through and be enough...with Christ. Be encouraged those of you who are facing a trial, you can walk that valley and be enough...with Christ. Do it, and tell others how it's not you doing it at all...it's Christ. He is enough.

<3

Spring Cleaning

I've updated the blog a bit...I'm sure you've noticed. :) It's that time of year again that everyone starts their spring cleaning so I thought I'd spruce things up around here too.

There's a lot of cleaning I'd like to do this year. Aside from the typical cleaning of the floors, and closets, and such. I'd like to do some cleaning of my heart and mind. Too often they get cluttered up with completely unnecessary things. I've not been sleeping well at night recently and I think it has something to do with the fact that I'm not focused or centered on the things that I ought to be.

Last week at church our pastor shared about how to center your prayer life on God instead of centering your prayer life on yourself. How often have I prayed for things that I need or that I want? When the entire time I should have been praying for more knowledge and understanding of what God needs and wants for me. We need to remember our eternal glory and not let our circumstances or situations draw our eyes away from God. God has guaranteed your eternal glory so why should anything be in competition with Him? I have to admit that it was a tough sermon to hear. You mean it's not all about me???

Ephesians 1:17 says "that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of all glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him"

Knowing is growing. In order to grow more we have to know Him more. In order to know Him more we have to spend time with Him...in prayer. God centered prayer maintains God centered living. God chose us that we may be holy and blameless and even though He has already poured every spiritual blessing into us there still must be growing! And it's not just important that you pray, but how you pray. We ought not pray for more blessings (we have already been blessed...remember?), but we ought to pray to acquire a deeper intimacy with who God is and what He has done. Praise should be a major part of your prayers because God has already given you all of His spiritual blessings. Why would we need to ask for more?

So I don't need to pray for more power, more grace, more patience...because I have already been given them...in fullness. I need to pray to grow in the knowledge of His power, His grace, His patience. I don't need to pray for more blessings. I need to pray to know God's blessings. I don't need to focus on the gifts, but focus on the Giftor.

So where to start? How about praying scripture back to God. I can't say it better than Him anyway. So I'm praising Him that...

"therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." - 2 corinthians 5:17

"the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, says my soul, therefore I will hope in Him." - lamentations 3:22-24

Seems like a pretty good start for cleaning my heart and mind out. What are you praising Him for?